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Essential gender criterias in the dating game - part 2


Sunday, April 22nd, 2012

essential-gender-criterias-in-the-dating-game-part-1

What are the gender differences in the thinking behind this new modern world we live in especially in the areas of dating, relationships and marriage. We know that women are just as capable as men to take on high-flying jobs and to excel in it if they so wish. There are some truths when a high caliber woman chooses to date a younger man and this can happen often. However, if money and power are the primary requirements to acquiring a potential mate then one could say that it goes against the grains of traditional thinking that all relationships are built on ‘love’ and not materialistic stuff. Perhaps many of us take ‘love’ for granted and nowadays with so many places to visit, dine and buy toys, the financial

Essential gender criterias in the dating game - part 2

Essential gender criterias in the dating game - part 2


requirements of a relationship takes more precedence. The internet and the TV is a big window to so many possibilities and opens the way to an active and materialistic life but often require much financial backing. There is a balance but that is also addressed with many offerings of zero down and no payment required till next year. If we are not too careful we at the mercy of digging a financial hole that we cannot get out of and no ‘love’ in the world can get us out of this sticky situation. When you rejoice the whole world rejoices together and when you cry, you cry alone. Maybe there is a lot to be said for a relationship built on strong finance.



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Essential gender criterias in the dating game - part 1


Sunday, April 22nd, 2012

I once dated a woman who found it odd that younger men were unwilling to date her and consider her as a long term dating partner or marriage. This came as a surprise to me since I always understood this rule to be of general acceptance ie. older men are more likely to date younger women than vice versa. However, it begs the question as to why this is the case and are there changing trends?

essential-gender-criterias-in-the-dating-game1

essential-gender-criterias-in-the-dating-game1

There are multitude of reasons why one gender in general tend to swing the power in their favor when it comes to dating and the marriage game. This perhaps may have to do with the evolution of men and women over time where they needed to co-exist together for survival and procreation. Men simply through their physique have extraordinary powers of strengths and agility and this will not change with time. One has to observe the Olympics to see the differential in times for speed, agility and strengths in all sports activities when comparing the two genders. This gift made men the aggressors of their own race and they were primarily hunters and protectors of their society. It seemed befitting that in the early years of man’s evolution the women would play a vital and integral part to the society by cooking, bearing children and maintaining a home.

This was the ‘organic’ growth of mankind where very few questions were raised towards the gender differences and equality did not set in until a more ‘civilized’ race was born. Although the strengths of women were well understood in society but with the advent of the industrial era skilled workers in the form of men and women changed and even created controversy over the traditional roles of women. Rightly so, women wanted equal rights in certain areas such as pay for the same job functions as men. Another apparent change that was happening due to the working women were their roles at home. Many women at that time courageously worked outside for a living as well as diligently attending to the needs of the home. This may have sparked the thinking behind many of the women’s movements in the last century.

Although one can see the changes in the gender roles both at home and at work, this was not the catalyst for the movements. It was a movement against the male dominated society where they exercised old rules based on tradition and not adapting fast enough to keep up with the changing times. This may be partly due to the ignorance of many or the desire to change or a fear of those changes. However, one cannot look at the macroscopic scale of the changes since there were perfectly contented couples and families that lived a harmonious life together. This clearly shows that the movements are always a result of a few who feel that many are ‘suppressed’ and need waking up.

Here lies another important question, “if a man and a woman are happy and living their lives in a contented manner, does anyone have a right to come into their lives and say it could be any different or better”. Who is to say that a native South American villager living deep in the hearts of the Amazon jungle will be enthralled with receiving an iPod. The point is, the constant outside influence by marketeers, sales people, bombastic tv commercials and the internet are all influencing us in many ways than one. It is up to the individual on how to assimilate this information and use it effectively and most importantly correctly and apply it to their own lives. Intelligent people will take all the information around them with a pinch of salt but keep their focus on the important things in life such as the family, future health and prospects etc.

essential-gender-criterias-in-the-dating-game-part-2



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Can a break-up with your long dating partner be like a bereavement?


Thursday, April 19th, 2012

Many of us at times during our lives have witnessed the death of a loved one and we know how painful that can be. Can the same apply to someone who we have been dating for several years and suddenly decide to call it quits.

Can a break-up with your long dating partner be like bereavement?

Can a break-up with your long dating partner be like bereavement?

Many dating couples do eventually decide to break-up and some do it amicably while for others the break-up can be a messy affair. This becomes more complicated when couples are married or have children and decided they can no longer live together. The fact is that so much time and investment has been put into this relationship that a break-up will naturally have consequences. However, since we are comparing bereavement to a break-up, are the two similar in certain respects or are there specific differences?

Bereavement by definition implies the sorrow and loss of a loved one specifically after the death of someone. Being humans, we all have a natural ability to come out of this state of mind and correct ourselves but there is the distinct possibility that side effects can occur as a result of suppression and mental control (*1). The paper by Daniel M Wegner of Harvard University concludes that suppressing mental thoughts can lead to more accessibility of the thought to consciousness and some side-effects. In other words, there will be some differences in the case of bereavement and the loss of a break-up if we examine it from a psychological point of view.

One could also compare the case of bereavement of a long standing couple who have been married or dating for many years with the case of the couple having a break-up. How do the feelings and subsequent mental thoughts and anguish compare with each other for the two different cases above? One can argue that the loss through bereavement will be greater than a loss from a break-up. But this is easily said but in practise we know the lengthy and mental anguish of couples who go through separation and divorce.

The differences in the two cases is down to the mental coping. We know that when someone passes away there is nothing we can do and our fears and anxieties are of our own doing. It’s possible that we can cope with this better than a break-up from a love relationship. In the latter case we know that person is already alive and our torment could be greater because we can always try to convince ourselves of the fact that things could have been different and the relationship could have worked out. These thoughts can have a significant effect in one’s own self and can impact the individual’s thinking for years to come. A substitute through another dating relationship can alleviate the problem but if the intensity of the last relationship was very high, the lingering thoughts will remain in the person for many years.

It is highly possible that the subsequent feelings from a break-up of a love affair can be equal or more than the case of feelings emanating from a bereavement.

*1 Thought supression and mental control
http://www.wjh.harvard.edu/~wegner/pdfs/ECS.pdf



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Cars Can Say a Lot about Your Date


Wednesday, April 18th, 2012

The fascination with cars always seem to stem from the male side but don’t forget females are also quite privy to the cars that you drive. There are of course differences in the perception of cars to females and males and it is worthwhile to know these things, especially when you are going out on a date.

As mentioned, males try to ‘masculinate’ the car they drive and often look at it as an extension of their own personality. Some have even gone far as to say that men tend to use the car as a statement of their personality and whole self. For example, if they tend to drive large cars they want to feel that they are stronger, bolder and with some presence. This group of men may also have a somewhat aggressive quality about themselves. The unfortunate thing about the car factor is that although men do have a choice of cars they would ‘ideally’ like to drive, they are limited by what they can afford. Females are very aware of this and they usually weigh the car you drive to determine your standing in terms of job, earnings and status in the society.

In the cities and suburban areas of USA, there tend to be a more emphasis on placing importance on the car as a symbol of status. Whereas you go to other smaller restrained towns in the US and the emphasis is greatly diminished on the car you drive. It maybe a result of the types of people who live in these towns, eg. if they are liberal and more into the way of life rather than focusing on the materialistic aspects of life. Generally cars take a secondary place in their thinking and they are more into people’s interests, creative talent etc.

Since many of us live in urban developed areas, we cannot escape the fact that cars do in some way reflect our status in the society. Apart from the fact that the types of cars can lift up your ego when you drive around when others look on in admiration, there is also a sex appeal that emanates from the opposite sex. Women in general will not view the car in isolation when trying to size up their date but they will look at many factors such as their dress sense and mannerism. This can usually tell them if a guy is ‘faking’ with the whole car charade or whether his demeanor and standing are true reflections of his character.

More interesting reading material…
Refined Porsche looking for a reliable Toyota, apply online - Online Dating Briefs by Dr. Dato

Men should bear in mind not to give too much credit to the car they drive since women prefer a balanced approach to life by men. If they were a car fanatic, then its another story. A friend of mine once told me that the women will judge you in the order of priority as follows when selecting suitable lifelong partners;

- Your job
- Your house
- Your car

Of course having the right personality does matter but it’s worthwhile to know that women also love men with ambition. Even though you may not have achieved all your materialistic goals the drive and ambition to achieve them can also be very appealing to them, especially if you did show some accomplishments in the past.



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Body language - putting single daters in context


Tuesday, April 17th, 2012

There have been many books written about body language all claiming to teach you the behavior of people and understanding the hidden queues and signals given off by other people unintentionally. Body language is particularly appealing to singles who go out to meet other singles for dates and if used correctly can lead to many dates for the practitioner.

Body language - putting single daters in context

Body language - putting single daters in context

You probably want to rush out at this point and go and seek out new books on this topic but a word of warning before you do. The books are very good at explaining the queues that people give off without be aware but its interpretation can be ambiguous depending on the situation. Let’s say you are in a conference as opposed to a night club, many men and women will give off signals that are similar in both places but their inferences and meanings will be very different.

For example a woman turning towards you to speak and pointing her-feet and playing with their hair will be considered to have different meanings in each of the two venues. In the first venue of the conference, it could be that she is genuinely interested in the subject matter of the conference and wants a good repertoire with you so she can seek out the right information. In the night club, the context is entirely different and her posture and body language will be read as different to the other venue.

When attempting to read body language of the opposite sex, first understand the environment you are in and tailor your approach accordingly. It would be unwise to approach someone in a bar that is maybe fidgeting and feeling uncomfortable and even if you do, you can use it to your advantage. Say something like, ‘This place has a certain ambiance which I am not feeling, I wish I was laying down on the beach somewhere right now’. The trick is to carefully observe the environment you are in and tune into it and let yourself go and feel confident knowing that you will have ample time to read the body language.

Related Article - The language of love - Body language and it’s potent power

By practising more in the moment of time and going with the flow, you are not exclusively observing people just for the sake of body language. You are tuning into the many facets of the whole event and you can find yourself drawn in more and become more alert to possibilities. Reading body language of the opposite sex should be done on an instinctive basis rather than a mere technical one, in this way you will likely to succeed in your dating ventures.



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