We know to a certain extent that culture can play a vital part in the way we have been brought up and our personalities can reflect this. In the early stages of a relationship we may overlook those differences but as soon as the couple gets to really know each other, those differences can become challenging. I can’t help but give you a blatant expression of cultural differences depicted in the movie ‘My Big Fat Greek Wedding’ released in 2002. This pokes much fun at the differences in culture including the parents mindset but it does sum up quite well how cultural differences can impact relationships.

cultural differences depicted in movie

Many a people have given advice on this subject and it’s usually in these lines, ‘marry into the same culture’. There is much truth to this statement because being brought up in a particular culture embeds into us specific values, behavior, what is tolerant etc and a host of other things. This shapes the way we think, behave, respond and of course the future mindset when it comes to partnering and getting married. Many couples of differing cultures will tell you that it was only over time that they overcame their differences and were able to adjust to each other. For the starry-eyed couples, take note since cultural values should not be looked at lightly.

In the example of the movie mentioned earlier, it was quite funny to watch how the woman was in no mood to be intimate with her American partner after what seemed like forever for the poor young man. Although it would be too stereotypical to say that the West have a leander understanding of what is considered intimate, nevertheless the cultural differences do play a significant part in relationship building. You may also say that religious viewpoints play a vital part in the courting and dating game. The oddity of religion is that it is often fashioned by the culture itself and intermingled with the cultural values of the environment live in. This may bring about a different opinion of thinking and understanding but not necessarily bespoke of religion.

Generally, if you are meeting someone from different cultural backgrounds, it is always a good idea to give yourself time and understand the differences. Apart from the cultural differences you also have to weigh the unique personality of the person you are dating. One of the reasons why some Eastern marriages work over a long period of time is that they have been wired to think in some way with regards to marriage and children. The initial ‘unknown’ glitzy and romantic entanglement makes way for a much more pragmatic, rigorous, down-to-earth, plain common sense approach to marriage. Maybe it is a good thing and maybe it is a bad thing. The point being that a couple needs to go in it for the long haul and not just for the romance.

It is perhaps for this reason why we are now choosing to marry late and some not to marry at all. The unfortunate fact of this matter is that for those who remain single, they will not be able to experience the joy and often frustrations that come about from marriage and children. Maybe it could be different to what you have seen as ‘second-hand’ or maybe you think you can do a much better job than your parents. However, it is almost impossible to know what it is like unless you have actually experienced it itself. Take for example, the famous question, ‘is it better to have loved and lost and not to have loved at all’ or ‘What is it like to hold your first born child in your arms for the very first time’.

Tags: adjusting to culture, cultural differences, culture and religion, dating from other cultures

Many of our jumpdates members are well educated as can be see by the audience and visitors measured by well known statistics sites such as google trends and alexa ratings. Just visit these sites to see how jumpdates.com attracts the types of audience.

Improving one-self is as important to rearing children

Often, our members are looking for ways to self-improvement and self-development because they are aware of how important these are to attract the right partner in their lives. In that vein we have written hundreds of articles on this subject in our jumpdates blog. We have reaffirmed the importance of this quality from sources around the web.

Recently we have reviewed the popular book by Benjamin Spock on ‘Dr Spocks baby and Child Care’ - 9th edition. Although it talks about the birth of child and parents expectations etc. However, we could not help and marvel at some of the statements made early in the book which talks about how parent’s treat strictness and permissiveness in order to bring up a child. This section alone warrants a read by every adult as it has profound implications in the way we grow up as adults.

If you get a chance please read the section on page 48 ‘74. Parents who become confused with new theories’ which basically talks about how some parenting choose to bring up their children based on how they were brought up as a child. This is a must reading as it will provide you with insights to your thinking and help with self-improvement.

As mentioned before in our numerous blog posts, there are many reasons why we choose to behave the way we do and this largely stems from our upbringing. Dr Spock talks about how some of us can ‘change our theories’ from the ones we have been taught by our parents. How we do this has huge repercussions on the way we behave and how we expect to parent our own children. Just to give you an example, if we choose to give more permissiveness to the child based on our harsh and strict upbringing, we may be doing injustice to the child. The feelings of resentment my grow with time as you give in to the child on every whim which is not what you intended. What Spock indirectly says, is to bring a balance to the handling and upbringing of the child.

Dr Spock does not discourage strictness in bringing up a child but when it is done with overbearing harshness, chronically disapproving and make no allowance for the child’s age and individuality then it can be harmful. However, this line alone indirectly shows the personality of the adult and if we lean towards that kind of upbringing we really need to reach within ourselves and change.

Brought to you by the ThinkTank Labs of Jumpdates.com

Tags: improving oneself, self development, self-help, self-improvement

We often use this word to justify someone’s character due to their behavior. However, the word has such a broad connotation and meaning that to label a person entirely as being selfish would not be justified or even qualified. To live in a society with that personality alone would be near impossible.. we would find ourselves deeply isolated from the real world.

Understanding selfishness with examples

So why do we consider other people are selfish?
Maybe when you have a need and the other person does not fulfill it, you immediately label the person as selfish. It could be that you are selfish to think so and expect the other person to happily go about doing what you ask. The point is, when you label someone ‘selfish’, try to put it into perspective and ask why they are being selfish.

Selfish is sometimes associated with arrogance.
We know that arrogant people (who think highly of themselves) are usually always making references to ‘me’ or ‘I’ and does not really pay attention to other folks. We may find these people selfish since their appearance and behavior is always pointing towards them. There are subtle differences here when we associate arrogance to folks who are very talkative and those who are not. You may make the mistake of a quiet person as less arrogant than the talkative part but this may not be true. The quiet person may be equally arrogant in their nature by not associating with other people or deliberately trying to keep away from interactions with other people. Their world will become topsy turvy if they don’t have control over their domain. As a result they can also appear selfish.

Assertiveness & selfishness.
Sometimes assertiveness is construed as selfish but the difference is that the assertive person is empathetic whereas the selfish person is not. A selfish person will normally never undertake a task that you ask them to do for whatever reasons whereas an assertive person will do the task whenever they can.
An assertive person does not have to forceful as the Oxford Dictionaries describe it, a better description is found in the Merriam-Webster dictionary.
Oxford Dictionaries:
confident and forceful behavior
Merriam-Webster:
confident in behavior or style

Oddly enough the first is from the UK and the second from here in the US. This can explain some of the general stereotypical personality traits between these two nations ie. one taking a negative stance on responses to ‘no’, whereas the other nation encourages this kind of behavior. We have heard the negativity of being two faced, maybe it is a result of how we assert ourselves. Anyways, this is probably another discussion of topic for another time.

One of the biggest things we can learn about ourselves is the ability to take control of how we react to an unpleasant situation from say a selfish person. We may feel hurt but out of that comes resentment and to alleviate our stress we start blaming other people for the way we feel. The best course of action is simply to appreciate that these people exist and they may offend you one way or another but make it a point that they may be having a bad day. Also reflect afterwards if the negative reaction was caused by you.

Tags: arrogance, assertiveness, handle selfishness, selfish nature

We often have different viewpoints when someone suddenly says ‘no’ to us and as a result we might label them as selfish, arrogant or in some cases bold. On the opposite side, some cultures find it hard to say ‘yes’ as this can come across as offensive. For example when you are a guest and they ask you whether you want some ‘tea’ and you reply with a ‘yes’, this may come across as offensive in some cultures believe it or not.

Saying no takes some skill

Depending on what kind of relationships you are in, you may feel perfectly within your rights to ask your spouse to buy a gallon of milk on his way back after work. Receiving a ‘no’ response might elevate your emotions and lead to a fight. Again there are good and bad responses to this and is based on your perception of the event. For example, you might just curse your spouse and shout at him for thinking of giving that kind of response. You may feel ‘that was an odd reply, maybe you suddenly feel empathetic and ask ‘really, any reason’. Equally, the person who says ‘no’ can start off by giving good reasons first on why he should say ‘no’. For example, he could start with ‘I’m afraid I will be working late, you would need to pick it up or one of the kids can pick it up’.

The example above was a simple one but it shows how responses from both parties can be worded to avoid miscommunication or heated arguments. It is one of the reasons and and an often used tactic to test and provocate others by people who are skilled in this. Dare I say, it has been used effectively by the male gender to have more control over the opposite sex. It is always wise to listen and assimilate what is said to you before you respond. However, one is unable to stay in this mode of thinking when both parties known to each other are spontaneously engaged in a conversation. If you do most of the talking, you are most likely to be more vulnerable to criticisms as the person who says less.

There is the question of assertiveness that comes into play when saying no partly because you have been a yes person most of the time. Trying to be ‘nice’ and saying yes as opposed to a ‘no’ all the time labels you in the weak category by other people. In order to please others and forgo self-interest the person ends up agreeing to what others are saying. What has to be understood is that a ‘no’ is just an important part of the conversation and relationship as saying a ‘yes’ and is healthy. However, the way we say those are important.

Is there a singular solution to handling yourself in the best manner possible? Unfortunately, we humans are not alike, with some having much tolerance and becoming labeled as a ‘door mat’ whilst others with no patience are considered brash and selfish. Then it stands to reason that the middle ground is the best place to be.

Our machine algorithms developed by the ThinkTank Labs of Jumpdates has sifted through thousands of messages to find the word ‘no. We have learned some interesting tactics that members use to convey a ‘no’ to the other person. Stay tuned for more information on our findings.

Tags: being assertive, how to say no, saying no, saying yes

When it comes to relationships we generally tend to make our opinions of somethings based on what people said. However, we all know from experience that second-hand information can be distorted and usually convoluted by the person who is conveying it.

Trust can be handled if you know how

When I was young maybe 10 years of age, our English teacher played a fun game with us kids. She had all the kids about 20 of them lined up and would whisper into the ears of one of the kids at the end. That kid needed to whisper the same thing that the teacher had said to the kid next to him/her. Once the message got to the last kid in the line he had to say loudly what he heard. We would all burst out laughing when the teacher would actually tell us the short sentence that she whispered to the first kid. It was amazing to see how the original message go so distorted. Occasionally the first kid would even pick up the message incorrectly from the teacher, it was not that she was trying to make it sound inaudible or anything.

The example above just goes to show that messages get distorted when passed from one person to another. The motto of this example is that you can never know the complete truth until you have first hand experience of it. Have you noticed how people convey information about a movie they have just watched and when you get to see it, you feel that the person had left the most important information out of it? The same is true of when people come to you and talk about anything, it is always colored with their personality and event factual statements may be distorted. This is where witnesses in courts always seem to be in loggerheads in discussing about the events they witnessed.

Take another real example. A person entrusts family members around her to give information related to some assets held in another country. So the person becomes completely and entirely dependant on the individual for the information related to their assets. It would be very easy for the individual if they so wished, to somehow ‘manipulate’ the information that is passed onto the family member. In reality the person who is receiving this information may never get the truth to the information that is being handed down to them because it is being ‘controlled’ by the person who is delivering it. These kind of miscommunication or mistrust often results in dissolution of businesses, breakup in relationships, mistrust in people and much cause for conflicts between people.

One of the endearing quality that some of us have, is that we tend to make the assumption that everyone else tends to think or behave in the same way we do. Many folks go through disillusionments and eventually wake up to the realization that people are just different to them. Trust is such an important quality for all of us to work together in pursuit of greater goals in life. There are people amongst us who take trust to their advantage like the example given previously but one can also lay some blame to the person who completely entrusted the person for that information. In life one has to be aware of good and bad and this can be easily blinded by faith and trust in others that bring about so much frustrations, headaches and often heartbreaks in our lives.

Is there are simple solution that people can follow that will enable them to detect the good from the bad or the bad from the good? Unfortunately, every issue/event that comes across in our lives are different and the way we handle it can develop trust or resentment in others. One cannot be on ‘guard’ all their lives otherwise the whole living thing becomes a ‘chore’ rather than something to look forward to. Next time you become critical of someone that you have crossed paths with, ask yourself how this could have been avoided. This could be a good starting point in maintaining your sanity with people around you and learning how to deal with them and making yourself even better prepared to take on the world.

Brought to you by…
Jumpdates ThinkTank Labs

Tags: dealing with trust, first hand info, miscommunication, second hand info, trust