Returned 752 results for 'Category: Dating and Relationship Advice'
A further reaffirmation that self-improvement is very important
Saturday, August 27th, 2016
Many of our jumpdates members are well educated as can be see by the audience and visitors measured by well known statistics sites such as google trends and alexa ratings. Just visit these sites to see how jumpdates.com attracts the types of audience.
Improving one-self is as important to rearing children
Often, our members are looking for ways to self-improvement and self-development because they are aware of how important these are to attract the right partner in their lives. In that vein we have written hundreds of articles on this subject in our jumpdates blog. We have reaffirmed the importance of this quality from sources around the web.
Recently we have reviewed the popular book by Benjamin Spock on ‘Dr Spocks baby and Child Care’ - 9th edition. Although it talks about the birth of child and parents expectations etc. However, we could not help and marvel at some of the statements made early in the book which talks about how parent’s treat strictness and permissiveness in order to bring up a child. This section alone warrants a read by every adult as it has profound implications in the way we grow up as adults.
If you get a chance please read the section on page 48 ‘74. Parents who become confused with new theories’ which basically talks about how some parenting choose to bring up their children based on how they were brought up as a child. This is a must reading as it will provide you with insights to your thinking and help with self-improvement.
As mentioned before in our numerous blog posts, there are many reasons why we choose to behave the way we do and this largely stems from our upbringing. Dr Spock talks about how some of us can ‘change our theories’ from the ones we have been taught by our parents. How we do this has huge repercussions on the way we behave and how we expect to parent our own children. Just to give you an example, if we choose to give more permissiveness to the child based on our harsh and strict upbringing, we may be doing injustice to the child. The feelings of resentment my grow with time as you give in to the child on every whim which is not what you intended. What Spock indirectly says, is to bring a balance to the handling and upbringing of the child.
Dr Spock does not discourage strictness in bringing up a child but when it is done with overbearing harshness, chronically disapproving and make no allowance for the child’s age and individuality then it can be harmful. However, this line alone indirectly shows the personality of the adult and if we lean towards that kind of upbringing we really need to reach within ourselves and change.
Brought to you by the ThinkTank Labs of Jumpdates.com
Posted in Dating Help for All, Dating Help for Single Parents, Dating and Relationship Advice | No Comments »
Tags: improving oneself, self development, self-help, self-improvement
The different meanings of the word selfish explained through personality traits
Thursday, August 25th, 2016
We often use this word to justify someone’s character due to their behavior. However, the word has such a broad connotation and meaning that to label a person entirely as being selfish would not be justified or even qualified. To live in a society with that personality alone would be near impossible.. we would find ourselves deeply isolated from the real world.
Understanding selfishness with examples
So why do we consider other people are selfish?
Maybe when you have a need and the other person does not fulfill it, you immediately label the person as selfish. It could be that you are selfish to think so and expect the other person to happily go about doing what you ask. The point is, when you label someone ‘selfish’, try to put it into perspective and ask why they are being selfish.
Selfish is sometimes associated with arrogance.
We know that arrogant people (who think highly of themselves) are usually always making references to ‘me’ or ‘I’ and does not really pay attention to other folks. We may find these people selfish since their appearance and behavior is always pointing towards them. There are subtle differences here when we associate arrogance to folks who are very talkative and those who are not. You may make the mistake of a quiet person as less arrogant than the talkative part but this may not be true. The quiet person may be equally arrogant in their nature by not associating with other people or deliberately trying to keep away from interactions with other people. Their world will become topsy turvy if they don’t have control over their domain. As a result they can also appear selfish.
Assertiveness & selfishness.
Sometimes assertiveness is construed as selfish but the difference is that the assertive person is empathetic whereas the selfish person is not. A selfish person will normally never undertake a task that you ask them to do for whatever reasons whereas an assertive person will do the task whenever they can.
An assertive person does not have to forceful as the Oxford Dictionaries describe it, a better description is found in the Merriam-Webster dictionary.
Oxford Dictionaries:
confident and forceful behavior
Merriam-Webster:
confident in behavior or style
Oddly enough the first is from the UK and the second from here in the US. This can explain some of the general stereotypical personality traits between these two nations ie. one taking a negative stance on responses to ‘no’, whereas the other nation encourages this kind of behavior. We have heard the negativity of being two faced, maybe it is a result of how we assert ourselves. Anyways, this is probably another discussion of topic for another time.
One of the biggest things we can learn about ourselves is the ability to take control of how we react to an unpleasant situation from say a selfish person. We may feel hurt but out of that comes resentment and to alleviate our stress we start blaming other people for the way we feel. The best course of action is simply to appreciate that these people exist and they may offend you one way or another but make it a point that they may be having a bad day. Also reflect afterwards if the negative reaction was caused by you.
Tags: arrogance, assertiveness, handle selfishness, selfish nature
How to say no without offending someone…
Wednesday, August 24th, 2016
We often have different viewpoints when someone suddenly says ‘no’ to us and as a result we might label them as selfish, arrogant or in some cases bold. On the opposite side, some cultures find it hard to say ‘yes’ as this can come across as offensive. For example when you are a guest and they ask you whether you want some ‘tea’ and you reply with a ‘yes’, this may come across as offensive in some cultures believe it or not.
Saying no takes some skill
Depending on what kind of relationships you are in, you may feel perfectly within your rights to ask your spouse to buy a gallon of milk on his way back after work. Receiving a ‘no’ response might elevate your emotions and lead to a fight. Again there are good and bad responses to this and is based on your perception of the event. For example, you might just curse your spouse and shout at him for thinking of giving that kind of response. You may feel ‘that was an odd reply, maybe you suddenly feel empathetic and ask ‘really, any reason’. Equally, the person who says ‘no’ can start off by giving good reasons first on why he should say ‘no’. For example, he could start with ‘I’m afraid I will be working late, you would need to pick it up or one of the kids can pick it up’.
The example above was a simple one but it shows how responses from both parties can be worded to avoid miscommunication or heated arguments. It is one of the reasons and and an often used tactic to test and provocate others by people who are skilled in this. Dare I say, it has been used effectively by the male gender to have more control over the opposite sex. It is always wise to listen and assimilate what is said to you before you respond. However, one is unable to stay in this mode of thinking when both parties known to each other are spontaneously engaged in a conversation. If you do most of the talking, you are most likely to be more vulnerable to criticisms as the person who says less.
There is the question of assertiveness that comes into play when saying no partly because you have been a yes person most of the time. Trying to be ‘nice’ and saying yes as opposed to a ‘no’ all the time labels you in the weak category by other people. In order to please others and forgo self-interest the person ends up agreeing to what others are saying. What has to be understood is that a ‘no’ is just an important part of the conversation and relationship as saying a ‘yes’ and is healthy. However, the way we say those are important.
Is there a singular solution to handling yourself in the best manner possible? Unfortunately, we humans are not alike, with some having much tolerance and becoming labeled as a ‘door mat’ whilst others with no patience are considered brash and selfish. Then it stands to reason that the middle ground is the best place to be.
Our machine algorithms developed by the ThinkTank Labs of Jumpdates has sifted through thousands of messages to find the word ‘no. We have learned some interesting tactics that members use to convey a ‘no’ to the other person. Stay tuned for more information on our findings.
Tags: being assertive, how to say no, saying no, saying yes
How to tell someone’s personality by the way they drive
Friday, August 19th, 2016
There is a lot to be said of determining personality traits by the actions and behavior of people and nothing can be more true by observing the way they drive.
Here are a few (and sometimes amusing) ways to sum up people’s personalities
Driving and Personality
1. The impatient and restless driver
Almost all of these drivers can be seen being provocated at the slightest hint of a traffic jam or someone who cut’s in, slow or appears to be causing traffic jams. Unfortunately, these kinds of people always seem to be in a hurry and have no time for others.
2. The over-cautious driver
These people like to stay to themselves and rarely say much during a conversation and their driving is a reflection of that. Since they like solitude, going out to the open road seems a terrifying experience for them since they have no choice but to wrestle with their external surroundings. They take extra precaution to stay zealously close to what is in front of their nose as opposed to the whole environment. Their driving is unappreciated by other passengers.
3. The cool driver
You can imagine what type of personality that this driver possesses. These people are generally young and have little experience on the road. Experienced drivers will know how important it is to drive safely no matter what the personality. They are almost always not the ones that you would go into the car with since you will likely be holding tightly to your seats and giving sighs of relief from hairline misses with other cars. As you can guess, these people are probably the talkative types and loves to impress especially their opposite sex.
4. The analytical driver
These personalities are likely to belong to more mature people and often the one that you find the most comfortable being a passenger. They are not the talk of the town or go out to impress, they are very grounded, maybe boring but always grounded and gives good advice.
In the same way that you can extract personality traits through people’s driving there are other behavior characteristics that you can derive from many other activities. It’s usually a result of the fact that one cannot ‘fake’ their actions or behavior over a particular area of expertise. Take for example the people’s differences when it comes to how they handle their crockware after eating. For example, do they immediately wash up or do they leave it on the side. Do they move the other crockery out of the way without washing to do their own. There is a lot to appreciate in those types of behavior alone.
Next time when you go out on a date, try to observe their behavior in their driving, eating or doing some kind of activity, it can reveal interesting things about the person you are dating.
Tags: behavior from activity, driving and personality, driving personalities, find out person
Understanding life partner choices - the cultural differences of East and West
Wednesday, August 17th, 2016
One can find tons of information related to the subject of finding the ideal partner. In fact, you will find many articles written about this subject on this Jumpdates blog. With the divorce rate on the rise and more people choose not to marry, these are obviously not encouraging news for anyone who want to settle down.
Married couples - east and west
The problem stems from our lack of appreciating the complexities and nuances of personalities that make up an individual. Of course when we go dating with the person, we generally don’t always see the negative side of things as both are trying to impress. This is one of the reasons why the West generally do not understand how the East can marry someone without having met them as the so called ‘arranged marriages’. The Jumpdates ThinkTank Labs have conducted some research on this subject and have come across some insightful trends and patterns that can explain some of these explicable differences.
Although we understand the nature of ‘arranged marriages’ and some may be critical about it’s practice but it is safe to say that the length of marriage would be determining factors for the match.
On the face of things it looks like the East has an upper hand on the longevity of the marriage over their Western counterparts. One should ask why this would be the case.
There are marked differing ideologies related to marriage when we compare the West and the East. Firstly, the communion of marriage between two persons in the East have a wider encompassing reach amongst members of the families. That is to say, the extended families do not move away once the marriage has taken place, in fact, they become an integral part of the future of the coupole. On the opposite side, the Western values are different where a sense of ‘space and independence’ is granted to the couple by families even though they will be still part of their lives. There are advantages and disadvantages to both of these differing family ideals and we will only touch on a few.
When couples of the East generally have trouble adjusting and coping, they can almost always turn to their family members for support. Also, in the Eastern culture, families tend to live together in a bigger household, if not, then not very far from where the couple would live. The advantage of this setup is that couples who are green in the understanding of marriage and cooperation will get a good dose of wisdom, daily checks to make their marriage successful.
The West as we know have a very different viewpoint of how marriages work and the focus is always on the couples to work things out without much outside help. As such the tensions can be high between the couple and without any obvious close support the marriage can deteriorate. Generally marriages in the West happen at later ages unless families have been an integral part of both the couples. It is difficult to say which is better than the other since they both garner human qualities which the other party would not necessarily possess. For example, the couples from the West can be more self-reliant, independent, strong and more driven to pursue their own dreams. Couples from the East may have a cooperative ability to solve problems and can be less self-preserving and look to a wider group for progress.
You the readers can decide what values can be picked from the two different cultures. Maybe a balance of the two can provide a more healthy and a longer lasting relationship.
Tags: arranged marriage, eastern marriages, marriage east & west, western marriages
