Many of us at times during our lives have witnessed the death of a loved one and we know how painful that can be. Can the same apply to someone who we have been dating for several years and suddenly decide to call it quits.

Can a break-up with your long dating partner be like bereavement?

Many dating couples do eventually decide to break-up and some do it amicably while for others the break-up can be a messy affair. This becomes more complicated when couples are married or have children and decided they can no longer live together. The fact is that so much time and investment has been put into this relationship that a break-up will naturally have consequences. However, since we are comparing bereavement to a break-up, are the two similar in certain respects or are there specific differences?

Bereavement by definition implies the sorrow and loss of a loved one specifically after the death of someone. Being humans, we all have a natural ability to come out of this state of mind and correct ourselves but there is the distinct possibility that side effects can occur as a result of suppression and mental control (*1). The paper by Daniel M Wegner of Harvard University concludes that suppressing mental thoughts can lead to more accessibility of the thought to consciousness and some side-effects. In other words, there will be some differences in the case of bereavement and the loss of a break-up if we examine it from a psychological point of view.

One could also compare the case of bereavement of a long standing couple who have been married or dating for many years with the case of the couple having a break-up. How do the feelings and subsequent mental thoughts and anguish compare with each other for the two different cases above? One can argue that the loss through bereavement will be greater than a loss from a break-up. But this is easily said but in practise we know the lengthy and mental anguish of couples who go through separation and divorce.

The differences in the two cases is down to the mental coping. We know that when someone passes away there is nothing we can do and our fears and anxieties are of our own doing. It’s possible that we can cope with this better than a break-up from a love relationship. In the latter case we know that person is already alive and our torment could be greater because we can always try to convince ourselves of the fact that things could have been different and the relationship could have worked out. These thoughts can have a significant effect in one’s own self and can impact the individual’s thinking for years to come. A substitute through another dating relationship can alleviate the problem but if the intensity of the last relationship was very high, the lingering thoughts will remain in the person for many years.

It is highly possible that the subsequent feelings from a break-up of a love affair can be equal or more than the case of feelings emanating from a bereavement.

*1 Thought supression and mental control
http://www.wjh.harvard.edu/~wegner/pdfs/ECS.pdf

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Online singles find it very easy to find their matches on free dating sites and create profiles what other online singles are looking for in their soul mate. But, this is not the correct approach as you are not showing what you have but what others looking. This is a good point to debate and we will talk about this on some other day.

Looking for Soul mate on Free Dating Sites… Ask These Traits

Science of Relationship and it’s research wing has done research on 200 newly wed couples and 100 heterosexual online singles looking for a soul mate on free dating sites. They have been given pre-defined set of 20 traits that online single write in their dating profiles or look for these traits in their future soul mates.

There are quite a few similarities in what both male and female participants have said with some changes in their priorities on the list. For example, both genders want qualities like reliable, warm, intelligent and fair in their top five. This is interesting finding from the survey from male participants as they want their future wife to be practical whereas female participant did not mention this trait at all. Males want their spouse to be creative while female don’t give much tress on this at all.

Here is the link to Top Personality traits on Science of Relationship for Jumpdates – free dating sites members to know what more online singles seek in their future partner.

Tags: dating profiles, Free Dating Sites, future soul mates, Looking for Soul mate on Free Dating Sites… Ask These Traits, Online singles

The fascination with cars always seem to stem from the male side but don’t forget females are also quite privy to the cars that you drive. There are of course differences in the perception of cars to females and males and it is worthwhile to know these things, especially when you are going out on a date.

As mentioned, males try to ‘masculinate’ the car they drive and often look at it as an extension of their own personality. Some have even gone far as to say that men tend to use the car as a statement of their personality and whole self. For example, if they tend to drive large cars they want to feel that they are stronger, bolder and with some presence. This group of men may also have a somewhat aggressive quality about themselves. The unfortunate thing about the car factor is that although men do have a choice of cars they would ‘ideally’ like to drive, they are limited by what they can afford. Females are very aware of this and they usually weigh the car you drive to determine your standing in terms of job, earnings and status in the society.

In the cities and suburban areas of USA, there tend to be a more emphasis on placing importance on the car as a symbol of status. Whereas you go to other smaller restrained towns in the US and the emphasis is greatly diminished on the car you drive. It maybe a result of the types of people who live in these towns, eg. if they are liberal and more into the way of life rather than focusing on the materialistic aspects of life. Generally cars take a secondary place in their thinking and they are more into people’s interests, creative talent etc.

Since many of us live in urban developed areas, we cannot escape the fact that cars do in some way reflect our status in the society. Apart from the fact that the types of cars can lift up your ego when you drive around when others look on in admiration, there is also a sex appeal that emanates from the opposite sex. Women in general will not view the car in isolation when trying to size up their date but they will look at many factors such as their dress sense and mannerism. This can usually tell them if a guy is ‘faking’ with the whole car charade or whether his demeanor and standing are true reflections of his character.

More interesting reading material…
Refined Porsche looking for a reliable Toyota, apply online - Online Dating Briefs by Dr. Dato

Men should bear in mind not to give too much credit to the car they drive since women prefer a balanced approach to life by men. If they were a car fanatic, then its another story. A friend of mine once told me that the women will judge you in the order of priority as follows when selecting suitable lifelong partners;

- Your job
- Your house
- Your car

Of course having the right personality does matter but it’s worthwhile to know that women also love men with ambition. Even though you may not have achieved all your materialistic goals the drive and ambition to achieve them can also be very appealing to them, especially if you did show some accomplishments in the past.

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Free dating and matchmaking websites create hype and do their best matches for online singles to make their dating life an instant hit. However, not every time do their matches work and it can give you matches that are completely unacceptable or awful. Lots of dating sites feel that opposite characters are best matches relying on electronic principles that –ve and +ve attract each other.

Combination Don’t Work on Free Dating Websites Part -1

Here is a trap, take an example of two opposite characters nerdy boy and a party girl. Free dating and matchmaking websites would have us believe that both would be a great match for each other as they have completely different worlds to offer each other and will create a strong union. But, this myth breaks down in no time.

Nerd boys don’t seem to mix with party girls with ease and they find it a bit difficult to adjust to the mood swings of party girls. Party girls choose nerd boys as they are easily available for dates but, soon they also realize that he is not her type. Party girls don’t mind shedding their cloths and soon available for sex even as soon as the first date but nerdy boys may find this difficult to handle.

Free dating and matchmaking sites often try to match singles from similar interests also but, they also make they also make the same mistake. The +ve attract –ve is an electronic equation and it’s better to apply it there rather than in our real life.

Connect, share your view and tell what is you dating experience on two different poles.

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There have been many books written about body language all claiming to teach you the behavior of people and understanding the hidden queues and signals given off by other people unintentionally. Body language is particularly appealing to singles who go out to meet other singles for dates and if used correctly can lead to many dates for the practitioner.

Body language - putting single daters in context

You probably want to rush out at this point and go and seek out new books on this topic but a word of warning before you do. The books are very good at explaining the queues that people give off without be aware but its interpretation can be ambiguous depending on the situation. Let’s say you are in a conference as opposed to a night club, many men and women will give off signals that are similar in both places but their inferences and meanings will be very different.

For example a woman turning towards you to speak and pointing her-feet and playing with their hair will be considered to have different meanings in each of the two venues. In the first venue of the conference, it could be that she is genuinely interested in the subject matter of the conference and wants a good repertoire with you so she can seek out the right information. In the night club, the context is entirely different and her posture and body language will be read as different to the other venue.

When attempting to read body language of the opposite sex, first understand the environment you are in and tailor your approach accordingly. It would be unwise to approach someone in a bar that is maybe fidgeting and feeling uncomfortable and even if you do, you can use it to your advantage. Say something like, ‘This place has a certain ambiance which I am not feeling, I wish I was laying down on the beach somewhere right now’. The trick is to carefully observe the environment you are in and tune into it and let yourself go and feel confident knowing that you will have ample time to read the body language.

Related Article - The language of love - Body language and it’s potent power

By practising more in the moment of time and going with the flow, you are not exclusively observing people just for the sake of body language. You are tuning into the many facets of the whole event and you can find yourself drawn in more and become more alert to possibilities. Reading body language of the opposite sex should be done on an instinctive basis rather than a mere technical one, in this way you will likely to succeed in your dating ventures.

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