Change your life, change your reference point! - Part 4
Have you ever been in a situation where you always seemed tense and in conflict with other people. First, you need to assess how this came about. Did this come about over a short duration in time or over a longer duration in time. I am talking about weeks, months or years. If it is months, then your own ‘reference point’ is sufficiently intact and the conflict arises from two competing factions with differing reference points. If it has stretched to several years, then you need to do more digging to separate yourself or detach yourself to define new reference points which maybe due to many opposing dynamic factors in addition to ‘happiness’. You will need to determine reference points in the mix of the complex interactions that are shaping your relationships.
Change your Life, Change your Reference Point!
Once you narrow down your reference points as explained previously on a number of parameters such as topics that you converse, shared problems, differences in personality etc. Then you will be able to change some of the outlook in your life without unfairly biasing your opinions on the other people. You also need to understand that some people are just not that driven like you are want a change, or have the same aspirations like yourself. That does not mean that they are bad in some way, in fact, it will be the catalyst for you to make those necessary changes in your life.The reference points you collect will be the basic foundation that you use to move forwards.
One of the primary reference point we discussed was centered around ‘happiness’, but there are others just like in the example above where your have entrenched yourself in your own environment for many years and have not found a way out….until now.
We live in a world of social creatures trying to get along with each other. This is especially so in a family where there are two parents and the children in their lives. One cannot possibly determine in a single sitting the explanations of their naturalistic behavior towards each other and the environment that they choose to live in. The social interactions between them are highly complex, evolving and takes new form and shape with every interaction and event. There are many forces at play that it is impossible even as adults to fully understand how they came to be. One can rely on their ‘gut feeling’ to make sense of the unknown but would it be not be much better to understand the interplay of these forces? The aim being to help improve oneself as well as the others around you. I gave families as an example since a decision made selflessly with only one’s own self-interest in mind does not tally well with the overall well being of the family. It requires some give and take.
Unfortunately, not many people are aware of this and as a result many of the conflicting family squabbles (especially repetitive ones) never seem to end. What is horrifying is that we find couples constantly arguing again and again over what seems like a trivial thing to an outsider. This is mainly because they have not understood how to go about correcting it and inevitably rely on sensationalism and other feelings which really have no bearing on finding solutions in the long-term
Using the techniques of reference pointing those events and feelings in the same way we do the happiness index factor is a startlingly accurate way to make those long-term changes with relative ease.
We will talk more about this multivariable techniques of determining reference points in Part 5 which can be applied to the complex dynamic environments such as the one described here in Part 4. Don’t worry if you do not fully understand the terminologies used, in time, you will gain insights into the methods and techniques and will be wondering why you had not thought of this before.
Tags: change your life, change your reference point, families, relationships
